Cigarettes

August 5 2013

50 years of Delusion.

We have just said farewell to my friend of fifty years, Pam.   She came here all the way from South Africa to visit us.   I’m still not very sure why.    I understand that she is not well, that she is a bit addle-pated from taking epilepsy medication for heaven knows how long, but the underlying contempt, lack of respect and total disregard for anything I told her, from the sublime to the ridiculous, has left me reeling.

I really have believed all these years that she cares for me.   That she even likes me.  That all the effort I have put into being a good friend to her has had some meaning.   Not true.   She has no idea, whatsoever, who I am.  Where I stand on anything.   How I feel about the world, how I feel about her son and mine, how much I love them both and my gorgeous daughter,  what motivates me.    Even which God I believe in.    Just no clue.    So, it was with a heavy heart and much lightened shoulders that I kissed her dessicated old cheek goodbye at Reno Tahoe Airport on Saturday.    The end of a chapter.

Goodbye, Pammie.   Hope your cigarettes keep you warm.